not sleeping anymore

between aisles 10 and 24.

I ran out of dental floss today. And as I slipped the last strip through my molars and into the trash can, I realized that this might be the first time in my life I’ll have to buy more. Now, I do actually floss frequently (at least every other day, almost). I use glide. I like the thin- stringed mint variety, but really I’m not too picky. It’s a damn string that you rub between your teeth to get old, stuck, food out- I mean really. Boxes of dental floss have been showing up at our house for years, even though it’s been years since my dad has lived there. It must be the perk of keeping his last name.

Yesterday I was grocery shopping for things not dental floss, like: pork chops, cornflakes, and hummus. I called my mom, the non-expert authority on matters of food preparation and consumption, to ask her about pork chops. Her advice was solid, but I was still too apprehensive to make the purchase. I get like that about meat. I like to stick with chicken. It’s always a fair cook.
I continued to the cereal aisle as mom continued to pork chop talk. I was staring at the cornflakes when I asked mom if she’d heard from dad, and mentioned that he’d forgotten my birthday.
she says,
“ you know, [insert my name here], your father is very sick. he’s going to die. you’re too old to expect him to call you on your birthday. you should be calling him. he’s lucky if he makes it any longer. at any moment, he could be gone. and once he’s gone, [my name], he’s gone. you’ll never hear his voice again. so anyway, if you’re going to get pork chops, I would pay extra for the leanest meat. It’s always worth it.”
I felt like I had just dumped a whole box of cranberry almond cornflakes on my head, and I was standing in the middle of an embarrassing, inexplicable mess. A Whole Foods apron approached with disdain, knowing somehow that I had done something inappropriate somewhere between aisles 10 and 24.
Although neither of us was sure of exactly what.

posted by d @ 10:52 PM