not sleeping anymore

movie script ending

I still have trouble believing that I live here. I still constantly ask myself, as I did when I visited in April, can you see yourself living here? Strangely, my response is still "no, not really". This is probably because I am living inside a movie. By this I mean, I have completely abandoned reality. It's too hard to decipher these days. For example, today I went to the park. There were hundreds of people there. The way the large buildings tower over the grassy center made me feel like I was an ant in a tiny green house and people were peering through all the windows. I tried to pretend I was in the woods (which is ironic considering I'm not really a fan of the outdoors). I was still, as usual, distracted by all the people. First, I pass four men sitting on the grass meditating. There was a small crowd watching. I felt a chill as I stopped to watch. Their intense relaxation was so cleansing and pure, I felt like I had just taken a shower. The breeze was as soft as the two old men sitting on a bench playing the accordion and bagpipe. The music was amazing. I look to my right and I see this man standing (sideways to me) facing a playground full of laughing, playing children. Something seems strange. This is because he is fixated on the playground, smiling and jacking off (his hand is in his pocket, but the motion is unmistakable). A few more steps and I walk by a man sitting on a bench screaming ( I mean singing) at the top of his lungs to his Van Halen CD. No one notices any of this (or if they do, they remain completely undistributed and unconcerned). This doesn't really happen. These things just don't coexist in the same park on the same Saturday afternoon. I am forced to conclude I am only in a movie.

posted by d @ 10:06 PM