not sleeping anymore

people as ions

i left the library at 10:42 PM. that makes for a full day of chemistry. at times, i blatantly stop paying attention, and i think about how people are kind of like ions. i wonder if there is some force guiding our intereactions as intermolcular forces govern ions. i think about order in chaos, the familiar strangers i see in routine, the random lights on in the windows of my apartment building at night. mostly I hear that Weezer song that talks about molecules of oxygen and carbon dioxide (i think its called only in dreams) play over and over in my head every time I see the words oxygen and ccarbon dioxide.
my mind is clearer than it has been in a long time. i walked home alone for the first time tonight. it was raining. the road crunched and squeaked beneath my sneakers. i felt it a grand occasion. i even let my pant legs get wet. i hate that. even more, the canvas of my converse slouched over the rubber, and the insides of my feet got wet. i decided, for the first time in my life, it only meant i could look forward to the warm cup of tea i would have at home.
it’s amazing how quickly strangers become familiar. i see the same people all the time. sometimes we pass each other on the street, sometimes we get off on the same stop, sometimes we get on together, but we never show recognition, at least not of each other. sometimes we share a look of similar thought, usually about transportation. at night there are usually some seedy people on the subway, those prone to talking. anyone who talks is seedy. i listen to their stories and make judgments about their lives. i have never had such an experience as here. i am constantly alone, yet constantly surrounded- literally. it opens windows into other worlds. It hasn’t taken me long to become exceedingly observant, if for nothing else but to excite my curiosity. i see things i’m not supposed to. i hear things i shouldn’t have. i am bombarded by humanity.

posted by d @ 1:07 AM